Dear Readers.
I would like to extend a very happy mothers day to all the mums out there on this most mumsical, wumsical of days.
I'm treating myself today!!
A visit to a local Spar.
A bottle of Cromwells, 20 full strength and a card to myself should set me up for the day.
I was never blessed with children..............

Anyway, I shall be spending the day with the local drunkards underneath the little lighthouse gathering plenty of 'agony' for my column over the coming weeks.
And you never know, I always say it's never too late to become a mum. Who knows, a quick fumble in the sand dunes or under the pier, I could be pushing a pram down the high street in me slippers in nine months.
Mind you that sand doesn't half chafe your crack.
I'll probably catch crabs! Hic!
Anywoos,
Happy muthers day, parp!
Dreary.xxx

PS. I’ll leave you with some poignant words of encouragement from a lady who needs no introduction.

"Oh the irony.
I may be the most famous mother the world has ever known and yet i could never have kids. Mind, who in their right mind want to shag this ugly crinkly old bag anyway? Any offspring would have needed to have been strangled at birth for being so ugly.
Not that i'm bitter. I did once get Tom Cruise to slip me one up the rear vestry. He was disappointingly small. Had to stand on a pew. So, no cards or flowers for me then. No choccies or wine.
Motherfuckers Day more like.
May god be with you".
Mother Theresa.