Dear Dreary.
I am looking after my 16yr old nephew, Harold whilst my sister's away on holiday.
My problem is he is rather well endowed and his hormones are running riot at present and i think he fancies his chances with me!
The other morning he was stood next to the kitchen sink, whistling a merry tune whilst gazing through the window into the distance. As I grabbed the teatowel I screamed at what literally stood before me. I told him in no uncertain terms that using his winky as a towel rail was NOT in the house rules.
The other afternoon I'd left him making pies in the kitchen. 'Have you seen the rolling pin auntie', came a shout from the kitchen. After explaining that it is unusual to find a rolling pin in your trousers and that a more likely place would have been the kitchen drawer, we silently moved on.
The final straw came late on Friday evening when Harold breezed into the living room proudly carrying a tray of hot dogs.
'Would you like one Auntie'? he said.

It's not the hospital visits that bother me particularly.
It's just that i did find it peculiar to find mayo on a hot dog and I most certainly did not ask for tomato sauce or mustard.
The doctor did say it was unusual to find a boil that big on the end of a 'gentlemans excuse me' and to ensure that I give him a bed bath every night for a month.
Should I give him one?
Jenny Lupin,
Hung Upon Milf.

My dear jenny.
Get real woman! This is a fantastic opportunity to fulfill every womans dream. Just ignore the fact that he is your nephew, think of the advantage, the time and money. you as a single working mum would save having such a useful implement in and around the house. Your days of stoking the fire are over, you will never need to buy another whirly gig clothes drier or a prop for the washing line.
With the simple addition of a strap-on brush, your ceilings can be emulsioned, s-bends cleared, chimneys swept. You can throw away that pole that opens the loft door, and in hot weather attach a couple of blades and hey presto, air conditioning!
Rotavate the back garden, wash the car, sweep the path, the possibilities are endless. If you can think of any other uses, please let me know.
Dreary. x