Dear Dreary.
Can you please help, I am in need of some support. As I am long term unemployed I decided recently to go into business by myself. I have started a cleaning agency called "Mr Muscle". The novelty is, as i am a rather well endowed chap, i do all the cleaning naked apart from a leopard skin posing pouch.
Business is currently booming, but one problem keeps reoccurring. I like to maintain a tight ship when it comes to my equipment, and I realise where my assets lie. But with all the bending and stretching involved, the old chap and his two chums keep popping out at the most inappropriate moments. Is there a method of restraint that would control the netherlands area without restricting my movements or being unsightly?
I do not want to kill the air of intrigue or ruin the obvious female fascination with my mop and squeegies, but i could do with a discreet helping hand. I am getting a little tired of being asked to climb stepladders in order to stretch over to a high corner to dispose of a non existant cobweb. I've been told that I'm very adept in reaching all their little nooks and crannies, but some of these women seem to think what’s mine is theirs and have no interest at all in the actual cleaning getting done. And some of them have very cold hands.
Please advise.
Mr. Willie Sheen.
Cleans umpteen things clean.　
　
　
　
Dear Mr Sheen.
What a quandary!
May I point you in the direction of a company called Dial A Decoy. They are excellent in supplying the discerning customer with a diversion in an emergency.
Fitted with your own emergency pull chord you can choose from a wide selection of diversions to suit you.
So when your undercarriage is next under attack you can call upon anything from a phonecall/ doorbell diversion to distract the old Doris.
For the more difficult ones we can start a small fire at the front door or perhaps a letter bomb. This will certainly allow you to finish your work in peace without constant harassment.
As a last resort they offer their exclusive embassy package. On your whistle the old granny flat you are trying to clean can be stormed by an elite SAS unit who will mow the old bird down who is clearly putting you off your stroke and therefore completing the job in no time.
Failing all that, why not go and try something completely different you frigid bastard!
Dreary. x