Dear Dreary,
I've stumbled across a serial killers 'lair' and need to call the police before he strikes again.
It's just like in the movies, you know, when you come across a room and it 's full of pictures and newspaper cuttings all over the walls.
If it helps, I recognise alot of his intended victims, and we could warn them to lock their doors and hide behind a cushion before he strikes.
There's a big poster of Jedward next to a picture of the teletubbies. This maniac is ruthless!
Justin Beiber could be next and there's a news paper cutting of some boy scouts singing round a campfire. They're just poor defenceless kids, the bastard!!
He's targeting pop combos too. The likes of the Foo Fighters, Elbow and Herman’s Hermits are all for the chop if we don't act fast! This guy is one sick puppy!
Anyway, got to go, mum's shouting me down for tea and told me to keep out of little Ben’s room.
Should I call the cops, or will you?
Yours, Basil Morse
　
　
Dear Morse.
I think you may be letting your imagination run riot here. Just to err on the side of caution my advice would be to remove the poster of Elbow ASAP. The others aren’t worth saving.
Anyway, i believe those other bands have either been living in a remote Afghan cave for the last 40 years or are currently stationed somewhere south of the rebel front line in the rain forests of northern Foo.
Just eat your tea like a good little chap and get your toy jag out. How’s the gimpy foot by the way?
PS: get back to me if he puts up posters of the England football squad. I could arrange for him to be sent the necessary ammunition.
Dreary. x