Dear Dreary.
I've always had faith in our health service until I recently had treatment myself. Talk about a cock up!!
I'd taken Hurricane, my English bulldog to the vets to have him neutered.
That's the last thing I remember.
Still drowsy and stirring from a deep sleep I struggled to adjust to my surroundings.
A mixture of confusion, panic and extreme annoyance took a hold of me. Given that I pay monthly into a private health care plan I did not expect to wake up staring out from behind bars, tethered to a dog basket, my groin bandaged, with only a tin of chummy and a bowl of water to satisfy my appetite.
And to further add insult to injury I heard through the grapevine that Hurrricane was staying at St. Barts & Woosters and wouldn't be allowed home for another week.
Recovering from botox and a nose job in five star surroundings, sky tv and your own private nurse to pander to your every whim must be such a chore for a pet pooch.
Could you recommend anyone who does reconstructive surgery and do you know anyone who wants a dog who's up his own arse?
Yours,
Ignatious Tinkle.


Dear Hurricane. .
Good boy! As a dog lover myself i applaud your cunning and spectacular victory over your stupid owner. My advice is to live it up all you can at St.Bart (at his expense), and when Mr.Ignoramous Tinkle (says it all!) finally gets home with what’s left of his tail between his legs, then is your opportunity to take over the house.
As a humiliated neutered male ,he won't have it in him to retaliate! Kick him out into the yard, sleep with his wife, drink his beer, and try on his velcro leopardskin undies.
To really wind him up, let him lie in front of the fire every now and then ,but then make him watch as you lick your balls and get his missus to tickle your tummy, and when you take him out for a walk, let him pick his own up!
This could be the start of an Orwellian rebellion!
Good luck
Dreary. x