Dear Dreary.
You won't see my dad's name in the gossip columns any more, but believe me, he plays a small but vital part in the lives of many well known stars. He was briefly a film star himself, but has since developed a particular skill to the point where celebs are never 100% confident in their ability unless they've had an appointment with my dad. His area of expertise? He calls it pubic topiary. It was his idea for Victoria Beckham to grow the words ''Way in'' when David was struggling to get her pregnant. The rest is history. Mrs. Bear Gryls maintains a thick, tangled undergrowth, but once a month gets dad to cut an obscure, well-hidden path for her husband to discover. Nigella Lawson has a cherry pie design, Wayne Rooney has had a transplant, Kate Middleton requested a crown, Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen has a lovely colourful patch of paisley, and Alan Titchmarsh a neat row of sweet-smelling begonias set against a backdrop of Lily Of The Valley.
All of which leads to the problem. Dad was truly blessed with a god-given gift, but a couple of months ago dad's clients suddenly started to cancel their appointments and before long he admitted that he was working less and less.
I was puzzled. He finally admitted to me that he'd been diagnosed with Parkinsons disease and was struggling to perform his duties. On top of everything else, dad had a slight mishap whilst working on porn star Ivor Biggun, and he is now suing dad for loss of earnings as he's now not quite as big as he used to be.
Can you point me in the direction of a help group or someone who could help my dad. He is devastated and really wants to keep his hand in. Here's hoping.
Suzie Scissorhands,
Nutbush, California.

Dear Suzie.
From what you are saying it does appear that your dad has reached his nutbush city limits. It doesn't, however, mean that he can't still be involved.
I'm sure directors would be clambering for his expertise. I know for a fact that there's going to be a remake of The Secret Garden, Alvin and the Chipmunks Down-under and The Grapes of Wrath, a documentary about piles. Your dad could be in charge of set design, c*nt stunt co-ordinator or anything.
He could even take on an apprentice. I'm sure there's lots of young lads out there who'd like to tinker with a ladies privets.
There's rising demand at the moment for old age pensioners wanting their bits tending to. Anything from a bikini wax to back, sack and crack. Some want a Vera Lynne or a Max Bygraves design. I know one randy old chap wanted a Pinocchio.
If there's a gap I'm sure your dad can fill it.
Dreary. x