Dear Dreary.
I live next door to the Easter Bunny and am desperately concerned for his general well being.
I live in an exclusive area of Much- Munching-on-the-Flaps and have known the Easter Bunny since he moved here some twenty years ago now.
Back then things were good and every Easter you'd see him hopping around the village delivering yummy, choclatey eggs from his little wicker basket.
With the fame and fortune came the hangers on. The stress of trying to remember when Easter actually was began to take it's toll.
Late night parties became all day parties, a string of celebrity guests constantly tooing and frowing.
Hugh and the playboy bunnies were regular visitors as was Roger and Jessica Rabbit.
Roger was sent hopping mad when he caught Jessica sucking the filling out of the Easter Bunnies cream eggs and stormed off, reversing over EBs wicker egg basket in the process.
Since that lot from Watership Down have been going 'round things have gone from bad to worse. Snorting sherbet and injecting cocoa have become the norm.
He sees himself as a has been, what with on line shopping and all and no one wants to see a middle aged, bloated bunny rabbit staggering up their garden path trying to post chocolate through their letter box.
What can I do to help?
Yours,
James Armitage-Shanks.


Mr A-S.
I struggled with this for a wee while, but i became flushed with excitement when i finally recalled where i'd heard your name previously.
I have an ex-school friend who lives in your pretty (and very exclusive) Cotswold village. She is the well-known amateur sleuth and celebrated lesbian, Miss Jane Marbles. She has told me all about the strange goings-on down Shakespeare Close, and how two of the residents, Mr. B.Ogeyman and Mrs. T. Fairy, have mysteriously disappeared, their luxurious homes ending up in the hands of a London based plumbing magnate, owner of number 6.
Ring any bells? Go ahead with your dastardly plan to bring about the gradual demise of Mr. Bunny if you dare, but I warn you, half the profit from the subsequent re-sale of the three properties will be directed to my Swiss bank account or this finds its way onto my blog and your plans will go down the pan. I await your response.
Dreary. x