Dear Dreary.
Me and my mates are about to become celebs. We have been filmin non-stop over the last two monfs for the new Channel Five reality show innit, The Only way Is Fleetwood. We were paid just to be ourselves, it was awesome! Every day we got completely legless on aldi wine then made absolute arses of ourselves out and about town. We were all amazinly hilarious! They picked us because we are proper like Fleetwood teenagers. Our kids have all now started at primary school and my next one is'nt due for a few weeks yet so i had loads of time to get pissed up and spend time on camera with the kids' fathers. I's hopin to be a gran by my firtief. They filmed us at the jobcentre on our signing days (its like a competition down there, the ugliest gets the jobs),at the STD clinic, and round at my dealer's flat. We all put on our skimpiest togs at the weekend then stood boozing on vodka outside Asda, giving abuse to punters and gobbing at taxi drivers. You'll see my mate Chelsee havin a piss on the roundabout in the park then gobblin some geezer on the war memural, and our Darren nickin flowers from some kid's grave. My staffy, JZ, is on film, shittin outside the library, and my mum gets into the vibe and shows her arse to the manager in Poundworld then smashes up sum winders at the caflick church. I'm buzzin 'bout it all innit.
How do i get meself an agent what can get me more on the telly?
Lol, Trina.

　
Well done you Trina.
You're already walking in the footsteps of the greats, Garbo, Bacall, Taylor, Hepburn, a genuine God given talent to turn heads and entertain simple folk.
If you're really wanting to get noticed you have to go that extra mile.
Have you shopped in your slippers for example? Ideally pushing a pram but extra brownie points for a towel wrapped round your head and a can of Super T balanced in the pram hood.
The louder you can shout 'ger 'ere now' to some snotty little kid in the middle distance demonstrates an ability to throw your voice and maximising your target audience.
Next time you have your village fete never mind guessing how many smarties are in the jar. Impress everyone by putting on a blindfold and offering a free nosh to all the lads down your back ally. Showing an ability to put a 'name to a face' as it were will guarantee a standing ovation in more ways than one.
Just be yourself, make your children proud and get your tits out for the lads.
Dreary. x
Where's this sodding village and whats a friggin fete?


The moddul villige dick 'ed, nd fetes a cheese innit?