Dear Dreary.
Can you settle an argument between my wife and I? My parents always insisted that it was the correct thing to wipe from front to back, but my wife has always done the opposite. Is it a case of a male / female divide, or is there no set rule? The thing is, i have recently noticed a patch of mottling beginning to develop around my rear. Hard pin-prick size nodules are starting to push their little red heads to the surface, making it harder to wipe in EITHER direction. Wipes are now useless as anything i use just gets ripped to shreds. This always seems to be worse in the winter when the colouring seems to fade and the top surface skims over with a milky substance. Is there a cream or something similar you could recommend? This area also now seems to be permanently damp. I have tried specialist pads, towels, even a hair drier, but nothing drys it out and to be frank it is starting to smell and turn mouldy. I have tried sponges on the inside, which soaks up much of the excess liquid, but they eventually sag and fall out of position due to the weight of the moisture. Then there is an area of peeling, the result, i suspect, of neglect on my part as i have failed to clean on a regular basis. What sort of long term body damage could be accrued do you think by delaying treatment? This is driving me insane but despite all this i still love my Morris Minor.
Please advise,
Frank Ernest Hepplewhite,
Scraggly Bottoms.
　
　　
　
　Dear Frank.
You must come to a mutual agreement on this one. It's one way or the other.
I wouldn't spend to much time worrying about the damp patches. The bottoms always going to be wet through and once it descends into the murky depths, well, that's another story. As long as you tighten your nuts before entry I can't see any leakage problems.
Always ensure your tubes are clear before firing one off. We wouldn't 't want it blowing up in your face as it were.
Always ensure you never have a build up of too much seamen. This may cause a blockage and instability.
Finish with a smearing of yacht varnish, pipe him on board then it's down periscope and away we go. Your submarine has never looked so go.
I fail to see any relevance to your Morris Minor?
A quick pugwash should do the trick!
Dreary. x