Dear Dreary
I'm looking for somebody to fund my film project but so far I have been unsuccessful in securing any backing.
Having witnessed all this recent hype about Speilbergs' latest offering - War Horse, I wanted to tell the story from a much overlooked perspective.
'War Chicken' gives a beaks eye view of the harsh realities of war on the front line from the point of view of a chicken.
Millions of chickens were slaughtered, their mutilated bodies thrown into stews and hotpots at the hands of crazed chefs. Some were served on a bun often garnished and seasoned with a wide variety of trench condiments.
Many suffered from trench beak and egg shell shock. Some were captured by the enemy and forced into hard boiled labour camps.
Probably the most famous chicken to survive was Wing commander Ed Beak who's book, 'Couped Up - Doing Bird On The Seigfried Line is the inspiration behind my film.
His story needs to be heard.
Any genuine offers will be considered.
No taking the piss.
Yours, Alfie Cockitch.

Dear Mr Cockitch.
Your letter has been passed on to me by our company solicitors. They have previous experience in this field and have smelled a rat. Cockitch directing hens?? Nice try genius but no cigar this time! Back in the thirties they had a
business proposition from a Mr Hitler of Brandenburg,who requested funding for a research trip to Poland. Sometimes they just sniff these things out.More recently a Mr ripper from Pontefract wrote to us wanting a map of the back streets of northern england. Thank god we sussed it or it could've been even worse. Your obvious fixation on our feathered friends is your undoing and your weakness. Your plan is well and truly poached my friend. Counselling will be offered in the long run, but expect the old knock on the door sometime soon.

Dreary. x