Dear Dreary,
there's this chap at work i really want to bed. I keep talking about the decor in my bedroom and how i really need to get a man in but he's not taking the bait.
I have described where i need a dado rail putting, where i have a patch of damp that needs touching up, and how i need some wallpaper paste to stop a corner peeling. I have even shown him photos of my new false frontage and how i would like it to have a gloss finish, and i have told him that he might need to dangle his plumline next to my bed & that i have some tiles in my bathroom that require very sticky adhesive but still he frustrates me.
I must tell him about the neglected dusty crack that i've got that needs quite a bit of filling and the ceiling mirror that requires a bit of attention. Am i scareing him by being too forward do you think? I know i can be a little emulsional.
Kirsty Spinster,
Isle Of Dogs
　
　
　Dear Kirsty,
Any tradesman worth his salt likes to keep his hand in.
I remember, years ago, asking this lad I fancied called Daryl, if he'd have a gander under my bonnet, as i kept losing precious fluids.
Well, in no time at all he had me up over his ramp and was ogling my undercarriage. He said to get a better look he'd have to get inside my inspection pit.
Anyway he let me wipe the dipstick whilst he cleaned my rims with an oily rag.
He could see where I was dripping from and spent a good while trying to fill the hole.
Anyway, after he finished polishing my headlamps and adjusting my glove box he turned me over, slipped me into first and pulled out slowly over the damp patch and back up my driveway.
I was exhausted!

Dreary. x