Dear Dreary.
They say that a dog owner looks like their dog and in my case my husband looks so much like his pooch that if he doesn't get rid of it 'yesterday' I'm divorcing the bastard.
My other 'alf was so hung over one Monday morning he sent 'Sooty' to work in his place. I mean, from a distance you can hardly tell them apart but expecting a dog to drive the school bus and take the correct fares does seem a bit much if you ask me.
I've recently suspected my husband of having an affair. One night I followed him through the park and up on to the new estate. It was only when I saw him cock his leg, piss up a lamp post and shag a poodle on the mini round about that I breathed a huge sigh of relief and went back home to make his packin' for the following morning.
Would any of your readers like a four year old Yorkshire terrier with a twinkle in his eye?
Please help save my marriage?
Yours,
Thelma Doo.


Dear Thelma.
You need to step back and give your little chap a bit of slack. Let him have a bit of a run occasionally, allowing him to use up any spare energy. By all means demonstrate a level of control (this often intrigues the male species), but you can build trust and loyalty while he satisfies his natural territorial yearnings.
Sniffing a bitch or two doesn’t mean he's cheating on you, it is simply a natural instinct that has to be attempted. Turn a blind eye and you will be rewarded with love affection, and, who knows, there may even be special nights when you allow him to sit on the settee. I would draw the line, however, at picking up after him. 
Let him be your best friend. Has he been neutered by the way?
Best to play safe.
PS: how much for the dog?
Dreary. x