Dear Dreary,
I did something yesterday that made me really proud of myself. There I was, sat straining for ages over it I was. Then, I breathed I sigh of relief, stood up, and looked down at what I had done. I couldn’t believe the size of it. It was one of those that you want to take a picture of and tell your friends.
It curled up at the corners and completely filled my vision.
Then I shouted my Mrs up to have a look at it. She screamed, ‘my god, there’s a piece missing’!
‘I know’, I said, ‘a thousand piece jigsaw and I’m missing one bloody piece’!
Do you think you could help me find the piece with the picture of the postman’s bulging sack?
Yours, Patrick Cock Ring.
　
Are you sure it’s not you who is the postman, Pat?
This is clearly a euphemism for your life since the tragic loss of your treasured cat.
You need to move on, to replace the missing piece in your life. You are a clever chap, you have letters after your name. Get out into the leafy lanes and spread some happiness around with the contents of your sack. It may not bring back Jess, but there’s plenty of village pussy out there who would be thrilled to receive your special delivery through their eager letter boxes.
Think of it as community service. And when you’ve finished servicing the community get back to me. There’ll always be a slot at my place for you to park your bike.
Did the police never trace Jess by the way? I was told she was catnapped by some cockney pikey called Dick Thearnley – Whittington.

Dreary. x