Dear Dreary.
Can you help? I am desperate. My hair growth is totally out of control. I have had all sorts of tests and visited dozens of experts and clinics, but, if anything, it seems to be growing faster than ever. I am now trimming twice a day every day, and frankly it's all getting me down. It's forced me to take early retirement as i no longer feel confident in public. People point at me in the street and shout things. I locked myself away for a week to see if the growth would slow down if i stopped cutting. By the fifth morning my ear and nasal hair were tied together in a knot, and by the end of the week my short and curlies were long and platted. Do you know that the longest human body hairs are those in and around the anal area? Mine now run up and down each leg and up my back before disappearing up the hairy hole of Calcutta, no doubt tiying my innards in knots as i speak. I was once visiting London zoo when a member of the public mistakenly took me to be an escaped bear and sent the whole place into a panic. Underarm, i have to use my specially designed mini-strim before there's any chance of applying deodorant. T-shirts are a definite no-no as they give the impression that Sherwood Forest is attempting to break out from the sleeves. There must be something i can do. When i unzip my flies its like stuffing falling out of a cushion and locating my willy requires a either an extensive rumage or a machete. I can only imagine what might be living down there. Maybe Bear Grylls, who knows? My doctor told me that native Africans don't have as much body hair as their skin adapted to the sun and the lack of clothes. Surely relocating to Kenya as a naturist can't be the only solution?
Dave Lee travis, Bushey.


My dear Dave, or should I call you Daisy?
It's not uncommon for a lady to have a little more testosterone than other girls and therefore, perhaps one has to tend to her 'garden' and 'shrubberies' a tad more attentively than others.
Your's, however, does appear to be a very extreme case. But, let's get some 'girl power' going here shall we. Be proud! Underneath you are a princess and finding a frog to kiss you is the least of your worries.
Get in front of that mirror, sing along to king if the swingers whilst you're getting ready and paint the town red.
Don't bother if one if your bollocks is hanging out of your knickers or you look like a scaffolder in fancy dress. You're gorgeous. You'll get a shag at the end of the night, everyone does. Mind you, I think a family ticket at Wipsnade might be cheaper.
Dreary. x