Dear Dreary.
I'm under attack by terrorists cleverly disguised as clowns.
I've been looking forward to the circus for weeks now ever since mummy and daddy bought some tickets for me and my little brother.
What started as an innocent family show soon stared down the barrel of Armageddon and right up the arse of Satan himself.
An elderly lady in front of us was offered a flower to smell on the lapel of clown#1. As she did her face was covered in what must have been battery acid or sumfick.
Next, the people directly in front were peppered with custard pie bombs. There were paper plates everywhere.
They're sadistic bastards, smiling inanely as they kill.
I fear that if any one of them presses a red nose we're all dead!
PS if any of them bastards tries to board a plane, check their shoes first!
Can I get a refund?
Charlie Carrolie,
Bpool.


Hello Chazie,
i was hoping you'd get in touch. The Norman Barrett clinic had already warned me that you had absconded again. They heard your car collapse and the horn sound as you made your getaway. You've obviously not been taking your meds so that nice Dr.Mooky has asked me to remind you not to go anywhere near little boys + girls,or to invite them to play in your ring. Try to find a friendly Mr.Plod, tell him you are lost, and that he needs to telephone the
number written on your braces. When you get home they've promised that you can suck on Mr.Jolly's little stick of Blackpool rock ,and take a hot bath with your team of performing budgies. You're not to let them go where you did last time though. As a special treat Nellie will do her favourite trick and undress you with her trunk and then soap you all over before spraying you down. Get home and get well soon.
Dreary. x