Dear Dreary.
I'm head of gynaecology studies at Rimmington Hospital College.
I'm concerned about one of my pupils and don't know how best to tackle the situation.
Charlie is a very keen little chap, a chimney sweep by trade, and herein lies the problem.
He keeps bringing his old job skills into his new one and is really upsetting some patients and becoming a danger to others.
When Mrs Winston - Pettigrew popped in for a smear she didn't take to kindly to Charlie referring to the procedure as 'scraping your grate out'!
Another time I caught Charlie lighting a small fire between Dorothy Cummings legs using her pubic hair as kindling. In his defence he was convinced there was a magpie nesting up Mrs Cummings flu and was determined to smoke the begger out.
He's been caught plugging Miss Beavers back side to avoid seappage and choking Milly Muffet with his stiff brush.
To top it all he's just had a disciplinary at work for being caught with his trousers down trying to fuck a fireplace in my parlour at a recent dinner party I was throwing.
Any tips for exam success?
Prof. Patricia Pending.

Dear Professor.
Don't be too hard on the poor lad. Just show a little sympathy. To get a job these days you need to diversify so you can't blame him for wanting to keep his hand in. It's an opportunity for him to keep a few fingers in a few pies so why not? Thankfully the days of sending small children up chimneys are long gone. He just requires guiding gently into the right area and i'm sure he'll emerge eventually covered in glory. Reminds me of a gardener i once had. He had previously worked as a de-forestation expert for the forestry commission. He cut my front lawn that short i felt every slash of his scythe, and my sweet honeysuckle bush was singed into submission. Once i calmed him down he put his rugged hands to much better use. He stayed on for many years before his bck went.
Take care. Dreary. x