Dear Dreary.
I don't trust my husband.
I've heard of men who join these military re enactment groups such as the English Civil War, Napolionic, WW II etc. Part of me can understand the way they indulge their silly little minds by chasing each other around a field with a stick but that's where my sympathies end.
My husband tells me he's joined a group re enacting the exploits of the 1970s milkman, window cleaner and plumbers mate.
He's started talking in a cheeky cockney accent and walking with an arrogant swagger, wolf whistling at every young girl he sees, making suggestive shapes with his arms and muttering 'phwoar' under his breath.
I've already caught him next door tinkering with Miss Sloboileds' pipes as she stood in the kitchen in only her knickers and only last week I heard he'd delivered an extra pint of creamy to No. 71.
I've found a bag of 1970 fanny wigs to add that touch of authenticity to his poor victims which he insists on making them wear. Trouble is when they step out of the bath just when he's ringing out his squeegee their bits look more like a sad Billy Conolly caught in a down pour.
If I don't get a confession out of him soon there's going to be a right old carry on!!
Yours
Hatti Hawtrey.

Dear Hatti. A middle aged man re-living his lost youth? Let him get on with it and play him at his own game I say! Think of the fun you could have. Tell him you're off to London to join a topless student protest march. See how he reacts when you tell him you have burnt your bra and are now something big in the Women's Popular Front. You can put flowers in your hair and frolic naked in the Trafalgar Square fountains, or set up a lesbian encampment outside a nuclear power plant and get to know your fellow protesters inside and out. Get your tartan mini skirt on,wave your tartan scarf outside the home of the Rollers' singer Les McEwans,break in using your tartan comb, and flash him your tartan brush. Watch a naked musical, watch the sun come up at Stonehenge, fuck the milkman, blow the plumber's mate, shag Sid James........OOPS! Sorry! Does that help?
Thankyou Dreary.
I'm going to start by putting the bins out just in my slippers.
I'm just a bit worried about tripping over me tits as I'm 87.