Dear Dreary.
You slag!
I never want to see you ever again you slapper, you two timing, lettuce licking, carpet munching trollop!
I know about you and 'Linda bloody Chutney-Fawcett' or whatever her bloody name is. Staying late at the office updating your pie chart? The only pie you've been up dating is hers.
What about that picture of you staggering out of 'her' flat at all hours of the morning. 'Went to borrow a cup of sugar' my hat!!
I'm quite sure it had something to do with a cup but that's by the by. Plus that skimpy mini dress you had on was so short you could still see your strap on ! I bought you that! We had our first threesome on that with Nigel Havers' accountant.
Anyway, plenty more fish, and I'm not talking about your girlfriend!
I've taken the ferret and gone to stay at mothers house.
Don't try to contact me else I'll blow this whole, sorry affair wide open.
Yours (was),
Fanny Haddock.
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