Dear Dreary.
I've got a Jeanie who lives in a lamp. He's been in the family since my great gran bought him from a sex stall on the market.
As a hormonal teenager nan would rub his lamp until he burst from his spout all red, sweaty and unnecessary.
He would pleasure both her and her friends at regular sleep over parties in her private chambers.
As he's been past down from generation to generation he's got older, fatter and and has lost his sexual appetite altogether. I can rub him all day long and not a sausage.
I've taken him out on bike rides and walks to encourage exercise but this often fails to stimulate him.
I always leave him on my bedside cabinet so he can watch me undressing in the hope that I might catch a glimpse of his watery eye at the end of his spout, but, alas not.
It can't be healthy for him stuck in that old tea pot. For all I know he could have dropped dead.
Any ideas? I'm desperate for three wishes!
Yours,
Tammy Millett.

　
Dear Tammy.
Perhaps your are expecting too much of the old man ,or maybe you're just rubbing him up the wrong way. You need to reassure him every now and then at his age, don't put him under any undue pressure. Give him the occasional treat and he may just respond. Let him watch the
football, pour him a malt, buy him this month's Railway Modeller, let him caress his Vera Lynn photo, rest him on your bosom. It works for my old fella, bless him. In no time he'll perk up and remember his vibrant youth. Stroke him gently first thing in the morning then lie back and dream of genie.
Dreary.x