Dear Dreary.
I need a new getaway driver for my gang of hardened jewel thieves
The ones we've had in the past have been rubbish.
The last bloke we had was having his merc serviced so he had a courtesy car with 'Uphill Motors, we're right behind you' emblazoned along the side. Coppers had him in no time.
Albert, before that, was getting on in years and loved his classic cars. He loved to turn up to a heist in his Austin 7 or Morris Minor even his Hillman Imp. Trouble was he'd have such a crowd of enthusiasts gathered that the gang couldn't get near the bloody thing and often ended up walking home or catching the bus.
I'd love someone like that Jason Statham chap out of those Transporter films. He's such a dish. I'd pull away on a getaway with him any day of the week.
Please help.
Yours
Reggie Queer.

Dear Reg.
My third husband Derek is up for it, has all the necessary qualifications ,and is crying out for a little excitement. He has 63 years driving experience and
never a blemish on his license. He can supply his own top of the range vehicle, and there is no need to supply petrol as long as any thieving takes place between the hours of 11.30 and 1.30. He drives a small van, but the interior is deceptively spacious and will be fully-stocked with ready made hot dinners. He only asks that nobody touches Mrs. Timmins' dumplings as he's hell bent on getting in her (plastic) pants. His role would be completely voluntary though he does insist on being tied and gagged. No change there then.
Dreary. x