Dear Dreary.
I've just taken my first flight with a new gay German air line called PuftHanssa and as a queen myself I thoroughly enjoyed it and wished to share the experience with your readers.
Passengers can expect full thrust in the captains cock pit upon take off. Take off usually means your pants!
As a matter of course passengers are asked to travel with their head between the knees of the person next to them, to get to know each other a little better.
In the unlikely event that the aircraft has to attempt a crash landing every one is supplied with a pink hi viz jacket, a whistle and a glow stick. The oxygen masks that fall from the cabin ceiling give a concentrated blast of amyl nitrite so in effect your arse has already gone before the plane falls from the sky.
Everyone was secretly wanting such a calamity so we could try on the outfits and party one last time.
Should you survive the flight there's plenty of time to spend in customs having your baggage handled by some hot security guys!
Up, up and away I say!
Yours,
Basil Branston.

Thanks for that Basil.
I have to say my recent experiences of flying are somewhat mixed. I conducted a survey on behalf of the company on a recent Virgin flight to Lesbos. They were surprised--and i was gutted--to discover that there wasn't a single virgin on the flight. Though i must admit to comforting a young Thai girl during a spell of turbulence. She was damp with fear.
On the other hand, I only out found recently that Dutch airline KLM is owned by Kurt Van Winkle, famed Euro entrepreneur and gayboy. Apparently you are entitled to free onboard cocktails if, on entry, you announce 'Kurt Licks Men'. My favourite way to fly, though, has to be with Easypet. The cabin staff take the art of petting to new heights, especially since the introduction of their wrap-around wank-blanket. It's very snug under there and they perform a great inflight service! Their motto is 'We Always Come On Time' and i've yet to hear any passenger complaints regarding time of arrival. Happy flying!
Dreary. x