Dear Dreary.
In these hard times I, like so many other people, have had to take on a second job to help make ends meet. I'm finding it very difficult to strike a balance between my job as a judge at the crown court and 'Janice', a sex chat call girl working for 'Dial-A-Wank'.
The other day I had to adjourn proceedings to retire to my chambers to spank myself whilst moaning 'ooo Gerald, you're so big' to a client on my mobile phone.
I was a little embarrassed when, on my return to the courtroom, I was wolf whistled from the gallery by a member of the public when he spied my robes tucked into the back of my knickers.
That wasn't the worst of it!
Tuesday, I was just in the middle of passing sentence when my phone rang on loudspeaker.
Trying to explain to members of the jury, barristers, people in the public gallery etc what was meant by ' how much for a good fisting whilst you blow my shaft was challenging to say the least. However, explaining that it was a query on a very complex case whereby a fellow colleague was asking what the maximum sentence would be for GBH and subsequent wilful damage to his mining business, I think I got away with it.
To make matters worse I've now had to take on a third job at the local biscuit factory in charge of Party Rings and 'Fun Size' Fingers.
It can only get worse.
What would you do if you were me?
Judge Judy 'Two Fingers' McGimpy. QT. x


　
　
　
Judy.
Hard times indeed. Three jobs and you are struggling? This is what saddens and depresses me about our once respected community. Whilst your neighbors battle with redundancy and unemployment, you willingly wallow in a lifestyle that depends on the weaknesses of others on THREE different counts. What an oustanding pillar of the community! No wonder the country is on its knees. My advice is to concentrate on one role and be grateful. Most people who contact me are genuinely desperate and at their wits end, unlike yourself, your honour, a fatcat, sponging, selfish, scrotum of a human. You disgust me sphincter.
PS: can you let me have Janice's contact number.