Dear Dreary.
I'm a dog, and have a loving owner who thinks the world of me. He's always had dogs, working dogs, show dogs, you name it. He's lived and breathed a dogs life, so much so that I have grown very concerned for his recent behaviour and well being.
On Sunday I trotted into the kitchen as usual for my breakfast. I was horrified to find my owner with his nose buried in the last of my chicken and rabbit from the dog bowl before rolling over on the kitchen floor and licking his balls.
That wasn't the worst of it.
We were out walking the other morning when
he stopped right outside the front gate of the vicarage, dropped his trousers and shit all over the pavement. I was mortified having to knock and ask the vicars house keeper for something to clean it up with. She was very kind and provided a set of silver tongues and a silk handkerchief. I walked down the garden path and out onto the pavement to clean up the mess to find my owner shagging the lolipop lady doggy style on the grass verge.
Anyway, someone called the dog warden and they've taken him away and locked him in a kennel.
I'm too embarrassed to go and collect him.
What should I do?
Yours,
Dil The Dog.
Deat Dil. I always knew this would happen. As soon as it became the norm for owners to clean up after their pets,it was inevitable that one day the tables would be turned and some dogs would take advantage. I mean, what a fantastic ego boost to be able to shit anywhere you want and have someone immediately pick it up for you and carry it home! Dogs are also eating a healthier diet than ever before,so are consequently more regular in the toilet department. Perfect! Even more for your down-trodden owner to pick up. No wonder dogs are living longer. No reliance these days on bonemeal to supplement the diet: when's the last time you saw white dogshit? Animal Farm is becoming reality! This may be the start of the revolution Dil, so i am honour bound to dob you in to the authorities before it gets out of hand. By the way, you type brilliantly! D.
Thankyou.
It was very wuff at our school, the headmaster wouldn't think twice about hitting you with his canine! I can also speak English sheepdog, French poodle and German shepherd.
The warden is on his way. And he won't be taking any shit from you. Ever been to Battersea?
Do you know, my Dography's terrierable!
Is it near Clacton?
I'm a dog, and have a loving owner who thinks the world of me. He's always had dogs, working dogs, show dogs, you name it. He's lived and breathed a dogs life, so much so that I have grown very concerned for his recent behaviour and well being.
On Sunday I trotted into the kitchen as usual for my breakfast. I was horrified to find my owner with his nose buried in the last of my chicken and rabbit from the dog bowl before rolling over on the kitchen floor and licking his balls.
That wasn't the worst of it.
We were out walking the other morning when
he stopped right outside the front gate of the vicarage, dropped his trousers and shit all over the pavement. I was mortified having to knock and ask the vicars house keeper for something to clean it up with. She was very kind and provided a set of silver tongues and a silk handkerchief. I walked down the garden path and out onto the pavement to clean up the mess to find my owner shagging the lolipop lady doggy style on the grass verge.
Anyway, someone called the dog warden and they've taken him away and locked him in a kennel.
I'm too embarrassed to go and collect him.
What should I do?
Yours,
Dil The Dog.
Deat Dil. I always knew this would happen. As soon as it became the norm for owners to clean up after their pets,it was inevitable that one day the tables would be turned and some dogs would take advantage. I mean, what a fantastic ego boost to be able to shit anywhere you want and have someone immediately pick it up for you and carry it home! Dogs are also eating a healthier diet than ever before,so are consequently more regular in the toilet department. Perfect! Even more for your down-trodden owner to pick up. No wonder dogs are living longer. No reliance these days on bonemeal to supplement the diet: when's the last time you saw white dogshit? Animal Farm is becoming reality! This may be the start of the revolution Dil, so i am honour bound to dob you in to the authorities before it gets out of hand. By the way, you type brilliantly! D.
Thankyou.
It was very wuff at our school, the headmaster wouldn't think twice about hitting you with his canine! I can also speak English sheepdog, French poodle and German shepherd.
The warden is on his way. And he won't be taking any shit from you. Ever been to Battersea?
Do you know, my Dography's terrierable!
Is it near Clacton?
No its near London zoo,which is rubbish by the way. Shit zoo.
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