Dear Dreary.
The woman across the street has dobbed me in to the rozzers. I never did nothing ,honest.
She should be so lucky! In her dreams. I was just looking at her, honest. Well, just looking at her as she undressed in her bedroom with a crack in the curtains. That’s her own fault isn't it?
Well ok, I may have been just looking at her whilst i was stood at my window lit only by a spotlight on my naked lower abdomen. Oh and yea ok, i may have been just looking at her whilst fiddling around downstairs and trying the wife's peephole bra and bright pink "Gargantua" dildo.
Was I also just looking at her whilst peeling my banana?
Possibly.
Oh and I may have been practicing my zumba moves and penile stretches and combing my plumed grenadier guards helmet whilst dipping my plums into a drip tray of Absinthe.
And it is remotely feasible that I was at that precise time delivering the dog's weekly anal disobedience punishment.
But what the hells it got to do with her?
Advise. Berndt Foreschkindler, Upper Kolon, West Failure.

Dear Berndt.
Tell the dirty mare to keep her nose out!
What you do behind closed doors and open curtains is your business.
She should't be looking!
Dreary. x