Dear Dreary.
My family have all suffered from blindness and all have died a horrific death. Help me Dreary, I'm the last of my line and I know I'm next for the chop!
It's all very well having these handy Braille signs dotted about the place to help us blind folk find things or warn us to stay clear for our own safety but they're always in some bloody daft,obscure place. I mean how, as blind folk, are we to know where these signs are in the first place?
It has been little comfort to my family that my grandfather wouldn't have been bayoneted by that nasty German if he had only felt for the warning sign on top of the Germans helmet discouraging blind folk to approach this fellow as he was a dangerous military war machine.
My elder brother Ged, may not have been spread thinly over the bakerloo line had the sign saying fast train, danger been placed in a more prominent position and not on top of the funnel.
My mother drowned in our local swimming baths because she failed to notice the braille sign on the bottom of the pool, in the deep end saying, deep water, please do be jolly careful.
Dreary, I'm terrified something is going to happen to me. I think I work in a saw mill so should I be worried about a grizzly end?
Yours,
Terrence Bond.


There's little to be achieved by worrying about it Terence. You could however show some consideration for your colleagues by always wearing full body plastic overalls in order to minimise the inevitable mess. Alternatively you could seek employment somewhere less hazardous. Many blind people exist happily in their careers without anyone suspecting that they're blind. Any dip in performance is usually just ignored,especially if you are a celebrity. Few people realise Ashley Cole has been totally blind for years,the brave lad even volunteers to take penalties for England! Most people assume Paul McCartney has simply been gradually been losing his talent as he has got older, but he has actually been blind since the Beatles split up. Why else would anyone marry a one-legged bird? Then there's Elton John, Wayne Rooney, Mel Gibson, Bruce Forsyth, Angelina Jolie and many more. All rapidly going downhill because they're blind as bats. The stupid thing is,they would get nothing but sympathy
from the public if they were to admit it! I would also suggest you contact the Association of Blind Dogs For The Guides, a charity that organises girl guides to help you with your everyday needs whilst taking blind dogs for walks. Their motto is 'Don't be alone in the dark'. They also offer night time assistance for a small charge. D.