Dear Dreary.
I'm male and have been reading about these new exercises that are supposed to make a mans winky bigger and wonder if you've heard about them. Do they work? Are they safe?
They say to warm it up before any exercising usually by rubbing it gently between the palms of your hands or jumping up and down very gently with a wet flannel folded around the base of the shaft to stop the balls chaffing.
A popular exercise to strengthen the old chap is to stand erect next to an old fashioned sash window. Open the window just enough to slip your tinkle through and then start to open the window with your knob. Up and down and up and down etc...
Careful not to exercise with a faulty sash or you could be looking at a week or two in a convalescent home nursing a poorly todger.
Hanging everyday household objects off it has been heartily recommended too to stiffen the old resolve. Frying pans, tins of beans, egg whisks, I-pads, x boxes, even carrying the shopping home on it helps towards the development of one mean looking one eyed beasty!
I don't know if this is true or not but a mans dingler has a sense of smell and loves certain foods.
One suggestion is, when you go to bed place a meat and potato pie next to your slippers at the side of your bed. The idea is that during the course of the evening your willy will smell the delicious aroma and naturally begin to gravitate towards the source of the smell. It should be straining over the edge of the bed trying to reach the pie.
When you wake up in the morning your dinkly should feel suitably enlarged with perhaps a few crumbs 'round it's mouth.
Teaching it to sing, dancing classes, snooker skills and a working knowledge of Victorian work houses are all said to enlarge the surface area of mans best friend.
Am I wrong?
Bert Flowers,
DickTon Cum Hardly.

There's only one way to find out Bert! I would be fascinated to know the outcome so please keep me informed and send photos,before + after, flaccid/excited. The watamothafuka tribe of the Congolese basin are renowned for pairs of males carrying 8-gallon jars of water on poles suspended from their engorged members. Their erections are maintained by the village womenfolk,who walk closely behind,tickling the exposed botty holes with ostrich feathers. Their tribal chief,featured recently on David Attenborough's 'Weird But Arousing', still keeps up the official title given originally to the tribe by the holidaying Roman emperor Chlymedia. The current chief, aka Scrotus Maximus, has fathered 57 children by various village females. The most recent of his offspring he named Heinz. Historically,the chief is selected by measuring the male scrotal sacks after they have been extended by carrying the carcusses of hunted antelope across the plain. Hooks are inserted into the genitals and then thr
ough the neck of the beast and carried up to 50 miles,so anything is possible Bertie! Just beware of the extra expense involved,such as bigger underpants and trousers. I'll send you my number so that i can keep tabs on your progress. D.