Dear Dreary.
You must remember the famous teddy bears pic nic song?
I was actually one of the teddy bears on that pic nic and pic nic it was not.
Teddy Robinson was a right hard, bullying bastard who ran around pinchin' everyone's butties. He pulled one of my eyes off and literally kicked the stuffin' out of me.
Mummy bear got nettle rash from being banged senseless by Paddington in the dingly dell whilst Teddy Edward set fire to little ted off playschool trying to light a spliff in a strong breeze.
Andy Pandy and Lubbie Loo came along with that teddy bear and just fucked each other senseless inside their pic nic basket.
There were empty bottles, cans, johnnies, fag ends strewn all over them woods, it was disgusting.
So, if you go down to the woods today you're fucking right you're sure of a big surprise. They've changed it into a Tesco express. We go on the beach now.
Yours,
The Hair Bear BunchThanks for that Bunch,yet another example of the massive retail chains' effect on the UK and our traditions. Did you hear about the Toytown police station? It went onto daytime hours only for a while,but has now closed and has been bought by Aldi. Can you imagine? Krauts in the village! The Toytown residents could do nothing to prevent it and have simply become puppets. PC Plod has been forced to apply for a community support role. Also, the Fat Controller's assetts have recently been liquidated, and number 1 shed is to be redeveloped into Thomas Park ,a retail and leisure complex. Asda have built on Pogle's Wood,Toad Hall is now a training and conference centre, and the Flowerpot Men have been relocated to a Homebase garden centre. How do we stop this?
Well Dreary, you tell me, you're the fuckin’agony aunt!
The 100 acre wood is now a reasonably sized back garden on a new housing development. Trumpton and Camberwick Green have been turned into a multi storey car park and cinema complex whilst Tales from the river bank has been turned in to a virtual video game experience.