Dear Dreary.
I was so excited about going on holiday the other week I nearly weed my self.
Imagine my disappointment when they refused to let me on a plane with the lame excuse that I needed to get a new passport as the picture of the one I had didn't 't look like me. 'I'm sorry
sir, but of coarse it's me'! Those dimples, those chubby little cheeks, that wry, innocent smile.
Even the fact that it was black and white and I'm in colour, I could still see a likeness.
I know it was thirty years ago but you can't mistake those big blue eyes and those cute curls!
I can't afford a new one. I want to go on holiday!!!!!
Dick Turpitz.

Thank you Dick, or should i call you 'anon'?
Sometimes i receive letters where,on the face of it, the problem appears trivial, like this one. It pays to look a little deeper here to find the REAL reason for contacting me. That will be why you mention that you nearly weed yourself and why the name you thought of was Dick. Incotinence is not the easiest topic to discuss, in fact it stinks. Sufferers often feel like the bottom has fallen out of their world ( or is that the other way round?) and soiling yourself in public can leave an indellible stain on your character as well as your pants. You will find that people will just take the piss if you pee yourself, and you will feel like you're just treading water all the time. So, you need to grasp the problem with both hands (especially in public), fit a new washer on that dripping tap, and never bend down suddenly. Fit a butt plug if the symptoms are severe but never for longer than 24 hours or you risk explosion. Oh and keep the window op
en. D.