Dear Dreary.
The job market is certainly at it's worst for many decades and I'm feeling the pinch like the rest of us.
I can't find a job for love nor money and hope you can help.
I used to be the bloke who played the drum in all the old war films especially when the Germans were about. They used to employ blokes in the war to follow the soldiers about giving that, de de de de de, wherever they went. Gerry liked it as it gave a cool, menacing ambiance to proceedings.
Before getting a job in the film industry after the war, I was employed by Adolf himself as his own personal drummer. I'd be on a battlement one minute, back of a tank the next
before finding myself leaping out of a Dornier into resistance infested France whilst all the time banging my little drum....de,de,de,de,de......de,de,de,de,de.....
He sacked me after I got a little tipsy one night and started banging my drum, de,de,de,de,de, outside his bedroom door as he was trying to get it on with Eva. Apparently there was a time and a place.
Anyway, my talents were spotted by a young Spike Milligan at a party after the fall of Tobruk. He thought I'd sound great on the big screen and the royalties I could rake in could be enormous as I'd written it all myself, de,de,de,de,de.....
Eagles Dare, Great Escape, Colditz, I was loaded. But, as the war film started losing favour and my hands were tired what with all that drumming I ended up with nothing.
Please help me knock one out, one last time.
Buddy Reich.

Dear Buddy. Much as i admire your spunk, i really cannot advocate you continuing to work in today's climate. How old must you be? It's time for you to stand down and give today's generation of unemployable scumbags a chance. Maybe a new Keith Moon or Ringo can be discovered. What i can do is pass on contact details for Drumbeat, a self-help group that rallies round elderly folk who are in need of a new pastime or hobby. You certainly fit the bill for their marching band which often plays at garden fetes and festivals. Secretary Louis 'Snatchmo' Armstrong tells me that members bring in their instruments, but all are sufficiently experienced to then swap around. That way you have the chance to say experience having a fiddle with Mrs. Smith's maraccas or even have a blow on old Mr Johnson's french horn. I'm sure your snare and cymbals will be of interest to the ladies, and i am told that miss Tibbs loves nothing more than having a gentleman finger her piccolo. Sounds like this will keep
you out of mischief for a while and should also help to keep your pecker up. Enjoy. D. ps : did i mention that they play totally in the nude?