Dear Dreary.
What with all this Vagassle and all,making your fanny look like one of Garry Glitters stage costumes, my husband actually bought me a Vagacket for Christmas.
He tells me it was very expensive and made from the pubes of a thousand south pacific island virgins.
This is all very well but to be honest it's like wearing a beaver. It's far too prickly and smells of prawns.
Two things really : -
1. Would any of your readers be interested in buying this from me?
2. Why do beavers eat prawns?

Yours in anticipation,
Camilla Parker Bowles.

　
　

Dear Cammie, i have passed your contact details on to a newspaper editor friend who is always interested in the beaver bushness. Hope this is ok with you. I had a beaver once. Fussy little bugger,buggered off cause i warsnt giving it enough attention. Needed petting on a regular basis. It seemed to love a good under-ripe nana,and not your common or garden european type,but giant firm west indian buggers. Also any shape/size cucumber/marrow/courgette/prickly pear (apparently the goodness is in the pricks),or basically anything that slips easily down the throat. Throw in the occassional juicy nut or two + you'll have one happy beaver. Sadly,i failed to sustain mine. Once i had decided it was never coming back i got my hands on a Tasmanian Ridgeback + have never looked back.

What about the prawns Dreary? Did yours stink?