Dear Dreary.
After nearly 70 years' trying, i have finally achieved my burning ambition. I have escaped from Colditz castle. I have been hiding in a loft above what used to be the officer's mess,but what over the years has become a cafe for,i assume,new German recruits. The place appears to show films about the prison and has leaflets,books,and even items like mugs and tea towels with pictures of the castle on them. I kept myself hidden during the day, then at night i raided the mess for food and for matches,which i used to construct a small glider. My two pals,Ginger and Carruthers,didn't make it,as they never quite reached the loft during our escape attempt. I can only imagine what must have happened to them. In the end i didn't need the glider. You wouldn't believe what a stroke of luck i had. I think it was Christmas Day as all the church bells were ringing,so i sneaked down to the mess for something to eat and realised that a guard had left a door open! The place was as quiet as a museum, and,after a couple of days,when a chap in civvies unlocked the main gate, i simply walked out! He seemed extremely apologetic for me being 'locked in' as he put it. Nice chap for a bosch (had a badge that said his name was Karl Guide) and his English was excellent. Here, though, is my problem. My disguise has got me to the station,but i am unable to buy my train ticket to Switzerland as the local currency now appears to be something called euros. I still have my forged ID in my briefcase,so do you think i should try to blag it on the train, or revert to plan B and pinch the vicar's bike? Please call me back on the telephone at Cafe Fritz. (The owners are French Resistance).
Colonel Pat Head. VCE,DSM,CDM.
ps: what news of tunnel 'Harry'?
Did the escape committee make it over the Alps?

My dear Pat.
I'm afraid I have some very disturbing news and you may wish to be seated whilst I explain a few things.
The loft you have been hiding in was found to contain substantial amounts of asbestos resulting in early death to all those who come into contact with it.
The vicar doesn't ride a bike anymore, he's bought a nippy little VW to run around in. Great cars those Germans make! Now, if you havn't taken your driving test for some time you will have to send away for your provisional from DVLA in Swansea.
If you pick things up quickly you could pass within a few weeks and drive home safely. However, as you don't appear to have any money, can't figure out how to hop on a train and talking about gliders and escaping I would suggest that you are in the early stages of dementia.
If I were you I'd head over the boarder to Switzerland and have a lethal injection.
Well done though for escaping or whatever it is you think you did.
If you want to find out what happened to Harry watch the Great Escape. That's the one with Steve McQueen and not an escape to the countryside light entertainment programme as popularised on such channels (tv) as E.
Hande Hoch swinehund!!
Dreary. xx