Thursday 22 November 2012

Dear Dreary.
I'm a very old crocodile and I live with my wife in a river.
I used to watch me dad fighting Tarzan and swallowing Wilder beast from the comfort of the river bank.
Those were the days, when crocs were crocs.
Things have got steadily worse over the years, the old ways giving in to new ones.
My daughter for example always used to say, when she was a child, 'I want to be a handbag when I grow up'! And our Colin always wanted to be shoes. Fortunately, jobs were easier to come by in those days and our kids were lucky and their dreams came true, big time. Colin not only became a pair of shoes but several belts, wallets and a passport holder. Our Christine became a hat box for Liz Taylor.
I've got the photo! Very proud.
Of course, it's very difficult for the grand kids to find work these days. They're all wanting to move into television but with the death of Steve Irwin, Neighbours moving to Ch5 and Home & Away (god only knows) it's impossible to find work.
Is there to be a new Crocodile Dundee movie or perhaps a new Jimmy Nail video?
Yours,
Clifford S Napper.

Dear Cliffy.
Auntie Dreary has passed your enquiry on to me as she's staying over here for the Clam festival. I am sorry to say this but its a simple case of you being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Africa has had its day. The future is out here in the Keys. All the Florida sunshine you can manage, and murky yet appealing waters crammed full of tasty  Yankee crayfish, and fat juicy Yanks on lightweight hovercrafts all over the place. I never need to go anywhere a
else to eat my fill. I have also appeared as an extra on "A Place In The Sun", have been offered a lead role in the new Miami Vice movie, (where i get to swallow Danny De Vito whole!), and i have a permanent walk on part on the fairway of the eigjteenth hole at the Florida Masters. This is the life! There is also the prospect of retirement at the new Disney Zoo, where i will feature in the Peter Pan enclosure. Why don't you put in for a transfer and come and join me?
Regards, Ally Gator, Key West.

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